non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
