Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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