my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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