i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
