The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
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There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
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Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me