its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.