Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale