You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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