hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
