there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
where am i from again
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
