A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
