I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize