"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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