Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize