she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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