Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
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I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
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Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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