I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
