tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
