yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
