I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
