dude i'm inner monologue high
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
