i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
