I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
