My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
not ubering you a puppy
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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