OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
