oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
