just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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