i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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