I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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