I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
