I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
