Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
