The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
