who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
