Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
