i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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