69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
