I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
