i just had sex bonerless
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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