Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
