I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
