Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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