When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
