Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't deserve a penis
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
