if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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