I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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