Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
