I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
