I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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