Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This is my gift to your gina
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
