I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
