Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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