maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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