i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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