great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
