I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
