For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
