Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
