ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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