Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
