tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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