My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
