I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
