I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
