I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think your dad took our porno
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
