My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's rum buckets o'clock
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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