Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
