Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
