I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
