she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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